I have so many questions. There are some theological issues that I struggle to fully understand. The paradox within the Bible leaves me flustered sometimes. I’ve wrestled with God when prayers seemed to be ignored. But I know…that I know…that I know…Jesus lives. I trust Him. I’ve decided to place my faith and hope in Him and Him alone.
Have I always been in this place of confidence and peace? No. I worked through a place called “doubt.” Doubt isn’t obstinate unbelief. Doubt stands on the path stretching from belief to unbelief. It looks one way, then the other. It takes a step in one direction and sometimes it backtracks.
There are lots of reasons behind doubt. Some suspect that believing will come with a cost…and it will! Deep inside, they are either unwilling or reluctant to make the costly commitment. Others find the gospel is too good to be true. They may think there is some ritual or some list of good deeds they must perform first. Some want evidence or proof of the invisible God. Perhaps I recognize these reasons because I’ve experienced all of them.
Regardless, John 20: 24-31 shows us how Jesus responds to unbelief. His good friend and disciple, Thomas, said of Jesus’ resurrection, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”
So Jesus approached “Doubting Thomas” and said, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side, Stop doubting and believe.” Jesus was not harsh. He did not chastise His friend. He didn’t turn His back on Thomas. He was kind and patient. He was firm but He was also gentle.
Jesus says that we who believe without physical evidence or proof are blessed. I think one way we are blessed upon believing is our new story…the tangible evidence of our personal encounter with Jesus. We have a testimony of a changed life. “I’m not who I used to be.” That’s the song on our lips.
Struggling and wrestling through doubt led me to surrender once and for all. It didn’t answer all my questions and I decided that is ok. I turned my gaze to King Jesus and said, “You are and will forever be my Lord and Savior. I place my trust in You and Your finished work on the cross.” My life is different. My values are different. My goals are different. I discovered a richness of life that I didn’t even know was missing. I found that there are things that don’t really matter and there are things worth the fight. I found sufficiency in the person of Jesus. I found my true value.
Yes, I am blessed beyond measure!